Just eat cake

Another memorable McSweeney piece.

Thanks to simple, shelf-stable ingredients and high-temperature baking, cake remains relatively safe to eat (as long as you don’t eat carrot cake made with actual carrots—they’re riddled with E. coli). Who cares if everyday Americans can no longer eat bread without chipping a tooth or bleeding internally from all those shards of glass? They can eat cake. The same goes for fresh greens. We have it on good authority that a layer cake is considered a salad in most of the Midwest.